Thranduil:the Movie(a Lamentable Tragedie)
by Sixty-four K
Summary: Breaking news! Thranduil has arranged for the production of a movie about himself, and Arda's only radio station knows all about it. Tune in for movie updates, teaser trailers, behind-the-scenes, exclusive interviews and more! Rated K-plus for unnecessary drama. Today's interview: Legolas of Mirkwood AND Rumil of the Lothlorien Family Detectives
1. Radio Segment 1

_To any new readers(and any old ones who decide to re-read this)._

_When I started this story, I didn't realize that script format was against the rules. I obviously didn't read the fan fiction rules closely enough. When I realized that it was against the rules, I decided to go through and edit the radio scripts ; however, the phrasing seems quite awkward to me. If anyone has suggestions about how to phrase it better, please send a PM or review my way with advice. So far, I've only edited this first radio segment, but I hope to get to the rest of them soon enough._

_This story is AU. Very AU, I'm afraid, but it is on purpose. Please look at my profile under my universe explanations for more detail.  
_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! Please leave a review- I won't turn away concrit. :-)_

Radio segment #1

Hello, and welcome to ABC radio, Arda Broadcasting Corporation. Culture, class, and a healthy dose of sass. We keep you up to date with the artistic happenings of Middle Earth, and inform you of everything we deem necessary for you know. I'm your host, Sixty-four K. Now, on with the show!

He already had it all. Fame. Fortune. Fabulousness. Now, Thranduil Elvenking has decided that he wants even more. What is there left for our most excellent Elvenking? A movie. That's right, folks. A movie. Intentions of the creation of this film- tentatively titled Thranduil: the Movie- have been announced today. Although no roles have been confirmed, it is rumoured that Erestor of Imladris will be both the director and screenwriter of this film. The studio Imladris Imagery owns the rights to the production.

Now, I've got to tell you, I'm pretty excited about this news, as I'm sure that the rest of you are. But I'll bet that you'll be even more psyched by this news- ABC is offering an exclusive interview with Prince Legolas, son of the Elvenking. In fact, he's with me in the studio right now! Welcome, Legolas, it's great to have you here.

Legolas smiles. "Thanks! It's great to be here!"

64K nods. "Now, let's get down to business. Is there anything that you can tell us about this movie?"

Legolas leans over, whispering conspiratorially into 64K's ear. "It's all rather hush-hush, but I can say that it's definitely going to be- dare I say it?- fabulous. Costumes are being designed, concept art is being created. We even have historians researching Doriath and other places my father went in his youth. Needless to say, I'm extremely excited."

64K grins. "Me too! I'm sure that our listeners feel the same. Do you know if this movie will be about your father's childhood, or about his adulthood?"

Legolas looks thoughtful. "I think it's going to be about his teens, actually. Things are just so lively during that period of life, you know?"

64K nods. "I guess. I've got one more question for you, but I'm not sure if you can answer it."

Legolas grins. "Try me."

64K snickers. "Alrighty. Who is going to play the role of the Elvenking?"

Legolas makes an extremely snooty face. "Oh, me, probably. It really depends on what happens during auditions, though."

64K nods decisively. "Thank you so much for your time, Legolas."

Legolas gets up from his chair, exiting the room. "My pleasure."

Thanks for tuning in, people! We folks here at ABC radio will keep you up to date on this very important project. Excited? Have speculation that you feel obliged to share? Have an overwhelming desire to rant about how stupid this entire undertaking is? Join in this exciting discussion. All you have to do is review!


	2. Chapter 1: An Appointment

**Chapter One: Appointment**

Legolas strolled through the doors of ABC Radio, a smile on his face and a spring in his step. Behind him, he could hear the MC thanking the sponsors of the show for their support, and encouraging others to sponsor as well. A crowd of screaming girls had already gathered around the building, and cameras were flashing. The elven prince smiled, winked, and shoved his way through the throng, making his way to his father, who was waiting outside a shiny limousine.

"Well, Ada? How did I do?"

The Elvenking thoughtfully stroked his chin. "It was sufficient," he admitted. "Your speech had too much 'you' in it, though, and not enough 'me'."

"Sorry, Ada," smirked Legolas. "I wonder where I got the 'all-about-me" trait from."

Thranduil ignored Legolas' remark. "Where did they get that idea about Erestor being director and screenwriter?"

"I suggested it under a fake name on several prominent websites," explained Legolas. "His group has done quite well with experimental films. Their five-minute film on Galadriel was spectacular- it sent chills up my spine. I thought that this would be a good break for him- a chance to get into more mainstream films."

"How very kind of you," commented Thranduil dryly. "Don't you imagine, son, that perhaps I would prefer to make arrangements for my own movie?"

"Don't worry, Ada," smiled Legolas. "Just leave it to me. I have a vision for this film- a vision that I will not leave unrealized."

"Very comforting," said the Elvenking, elegantly stepping into the Royal Mirkwood Limousine. Legolas followed suit, settling himself comfortably on the leather seat. Reaching under the bench, he produced some pillows and blankets, which he arranged around himself. This task completed, Legolas pulled a notebook out of the built-in pocket on the driver's seat in front of him, and began to write therein.

"What's that?" asked Thranduil, simultaneously peering curiously at Legolas' scribbling hand and snatching a blanket away from his son.

"It's my 'idea notebook'," said Legolas, not bothering to look up at his father. "Once I've filled it, I'm going to give it to Erestor. Hopefully it will be of some use to him."

"Your grace, if I may," asked Galion, Thranduil's chauffeur, butler, and jack-of-all-trades, who was always reluctant to enter in a conversation that he had not been invited to join. "Where would you have me drive to?"

"Imladris." said the Elvenking without hesitation. "I might as well officially make Erestor my director and screenwriter, since my son seems so convinced of his ability." Thranduil pulled his cell phone out from an invisible pocket in his kingly robes. "I'll set up an appointment right now."

"Do you want me to do that, your maj?" asked Feren from the front passenger's seat. "It's really no trouble, old sprout. I am your secretary, after all."

"No thank you, good and faithful servant," said Thranduil, pressing 'call'. "Although I appreciate the sentiment, your phone calls on my behalf in the past have often proven disastrous."

* * *

Erestor was sitting in his newly remodelled study, writing. Elrond had insisted that he have a window built, and, though he had protested at the time, Erestor was now grateful for it. Fresh air and light were wonderful cures for a scholar afflicted with writers' block. Erestor's pen now moved freely across the paper, uninhibited by its master's former stress and dour moods. Yes, today promised to be a very productive day. Then, today broke its promise, frightened into betrayal by the sound of thunder-feet racing towards Erestor's study.

"Erestor!" cried Glorfindel. "Hey, Erestor. There's a pho-"

"Must you always barge into my study, Glorfindel?" asked Erestor, turning towards the Balrog-slayer, a taut expression on his face.

"I guess not always. What'cha doin'?" asked Glorfindel, leaning uncomfortably close over Erestor's shoulder, staring down at the scholar's paper.

Erestor shifted to the side. "It's my essay," he began, "about Doriath. The Elvenking of Mirkwood has decreed that whosoever shall write the best essay about his childhood shall become the director of his movie. I aim to be that director."

"Well, good luck!" smiled Glorfindel, punching Erestor's shoulder in a friendly manner, albeit with a little more force than necessary. "You might not even need to write it, though," he added. "The Elvenking called, and he wants to talk to you."

"To me!" exclaimed Erestor, snatching the phone out of Glorfindel's hand. "Why didn't you say so!"

"Hello, this is Erestor speaking," he said into the receiver, hands and voice shaking. "Yes. Your highness, I'd be glad to set up an appointment. Would you be so kind as to tell me what it might be about? Direct- why your majesty! I'd be happy to-" he broke off. "Your highness? Thranduil? Thranduil Elvenking! Answer me!"

Glorfindel stared at his friend, who was growing paler by the second. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Erestor dropped the phone. "I think there's been an accident," he said slowly. "Take Lindir and go investigate. They were driving here- they were somewhere between here and the Misty Mountains. I'll inform Lord Elrond."

Too stunned to resent being ordered around, Glorfindel ran down the hall, in search of Lindir. Erestor strode to Elrond's chambers. Not bothering to knock on the door, he simply opened the door and walked in.

Elrond jumped, apparently startled by the sudden appearance of his normally taciturn advisor. "Is there something I can do for you, Erestor?" he asked.

"My lord," began Erestor. "I believe that Legolas has injured himself again."


	3. Radio Segment 2

**Radio Segment 2**

Hello, and welcome to the latest edition of ABC radio. I'm your host, 64K.

Only a few days into the production of Thranduil: the Movie, and already disaster has struck. Four people, including King Thranduil and Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, were involved in a car roll on the highway to Imladris. It is not yet known if or on whom criminal charges will be laid. Three of the four passengers in the affected vehicle were taken to the Imladris healing ward to be treated for non life-threatening injuries. Thankfully, we can hear all about this incident, because the fourth passenger is here in the studio with us! You've probably never heard of him before, but nevertheless, please welcome Feren of Mirkwood!

Feren: Hah hah, I'm mildly insulted, but I suppose I can't blame you. I don't really get out too much.

64K: Sorry. Do you mind telling us what happened?

Feren: That's a kind of broad question.

64K: I guess it is. Alright then- how are you feeling?

Feren: A little shaky, but overall pretty decent. Thanks for asking!

64K: No problem! How's everyone else?

Feren: Not too great, especially Legolas. Not terrible, though. They're not dead.

64K: That's... great. Umm... were you scared when this happened?

Feren: Good gravy! I was terrified! I didn't show it, though. I didn't want anyone else to lose heart.

64K: Can you describe the incident to us?

Feren: Well, we were just driving along. Thranduil was on the phone, Legolas was writing, Galion was driving, and I was just being myself. Suddenly, Galion let out some kind of shriek, and slammed on the brakes- but it was too late! There was a tremendous explosion, and the next thing I knew, the Royal Mirkwood Limousine was on its side in the ditch. It was a good thing that I was buckled in! Remember kids: always buckle up before you go on a drive!

64K: Thanks for the tip. What happened next?

Feren: Well, old Legolas was complaining about his tibia, and the Elvenking was out cold. Galion told me that he was fine, so together we pulled those two out of the wreck and ate the picnic lunch that we'd brought while waiting for a rescue party. After a while, Glorfindel and company arrived on the scene, and the others were whisked off to Rivendell. I came straight here, though.

64K: Wait, you mean that you haven't even gotten checked out? You could have some internal injuries or something.

Feren: My cousin gave me a quick assessment, so I think I'm good. Besides, he fusses over me far too much, and I didn't want to be confined to bed over a few bruises.

64K: Do you suspect that there is foul play involved with this incident?

Feren: I'm really not sure, actually. Galion would be the one to ask. Although it was bad to crash in the ditch, I guess that if we had driven over that explosive or whatever that was that he saw, the consequences would be much worse. As little as he knows, it's more than what I know, since he saw that thing before it blew up. The old boy looked pretty shaken when we first got out of the wreckage, though, so I didn't want to ask him at the time.

64K: One last question. Do you know if this incident will put Thranduil: the Movie on hold?

Feren: I doubt that it will. Even though the Elvenking got knocked out, he's probably still dreaming of creative things to implement in the movie. I don't think that this will slow things down at all.

64K: Thank you again, and please go get some rest.

Feren: You're welcome, and, yes, I will.

Thank you again, my fine people, for listening to my fabulous radio show. If you have any questions for anyone involved in this top-notch production, please leave them in the comments box below, and I will attempt to get those fine folks to answer you. If you have any suggestions for me, don't hesitate to comment on them as well. Thanks again!


	4. Chapter 2: We All Have Roles to Play

_**I haven't said thank you yet to all of you favouriters and followers... so thanks! Thank you also to you guests, to whom I could not reply, and thank you again to the people that I could reply to. Sorry if I forgot anyone; I'll try really hard to thank everyone this time. LOTCR, I'm honoured that you reviewed me! I loved your review so much! Get an account, so all of us grateful people can give you a longer thank you reply!**_

_**Please keep reviewing and all that jazz;) I'm very grateful whenever you do. **_

**Chapter Two: We all Have Roles to Play**

With a smile, Erestor signed his name at the bottom of his paper. Flipping back to the first page, he underlined the title: _Doriath: A History Thereof_. It was a perfect paper. Erestor had quadruple-checked every sentence- every word. He had cited every source at the end of the paper- no one would call_ him _a plagiarist. He had laboured painstakingly over just the right adjective to modify each noun. There was no doubt that this essay was Erestor's magnum opus. How could Thranduil refuse him with this fine of a study?

Suddenly, the door opened. Erestor quickly rose as Elrond came out of the healing room, carefully closing the door behind him.

"Are they alright?" asked Erestor.

Elrond nodded. "Galion will be getting up in a few hours. He was in shock, but seems to be picking up rapidly. Thranduil is still unconscious, but all of his vitals are fine, so I feel as though he'll awaken before long. Legolas- well, he's a little worse off, I'm afraid..."

* * *

"It's not fair! It really isn't!"

"Please calm down, Legolas!" squeaked Lindir, who had been sent into the healing room to supervise while Lord Elrond attended to lordly duties elsewhere. "Be grateful that it's just your leg, not something more essential. It'll get better soon, anyway. It's only a greenstick."

"Just my leg!" shrieked Legolas. "It's not just my leg! It's my chance to play my father in our movie- my chance to earn his admiration and respect!"

"I'm sure you'll get better soon," said Lindir absently, wandering over to Thranduil's bedside. The young minstrel had gotten the idea into his head that he could wake Thranduil from his collision-induced slumber, thus earning admiration from both the Elvenking and Lord Elrond.

"Your majesty? It's long past morning. I believe that you should wake up now," said Lindir, assuming a gently concerned face.

"Shut up, Galion," said the Elvenking, rolling over. "Do you ever stop talking?"

"Your majesty?"

"Shut up, Lindir," said Legolas. "I don't want to hear you. You're going to keep saying 'Your majesty' over and over again, until I go insane, and then you're going to keep saying it, even if I have gone insane, because you enjoy putting me out of my mind, and-"

Thranduil opened his eyes. He found himself staring into Lindir's guileless face, which immediately lit up with joy. "I did it, Legolas!" the minstrel shouted exuberantly. "So there."

Instantly, a revelation came down upon the Elvenking. He sat bolt upright, pointing a finger into his concerned onlooker's face. "You!" he announced. "You will play the role of young me in the movie!"

Lindir staggered back, in shock. "What?"

"I mean what I say, and I say what I mean," said Thranduil. "That face filled with innocence- those bugging-out eyes- that puny stature- you are just like I was as a child! Of course," he said to himself, "that hair will need to be dyed."

"B-b-but," stuttered Lindir. "I'm a grown-up!"

"That is of no consequence," said the Elvenking, with a careless wave of his hand. "No one will be able to tell. Thirty-year-olds play teenagers all the time in movies."

"Ada?" said a small voice from across the room. "I still get to be you in the movie, right?"

The Elvenking laughed scornfully. "Whatever gave you the idea that you would get to play the role of me? You don't even look like me."

A choked sob was barely audible, but Lindir heard it nonetheless. The minstrel hurried over to comfort his indisposed tormentor, and nearly bumped into Galion, who was stumbling across the room.

"Shouldn't you be lying down?" asked Lindir.

Galion fixed the minstrel with a weary, you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself gaze. "I would be, if you answered the door. That infernal racket has disturbed my repose."

Lindir, for the first time, heard the bellowing on the other side of the door. "Open the door! Ow ow OW! I can't open it! Hurry up, for pity's sake!"

Lindir and Galion simultaneously raced for the door. Galion, despite his recent ordeal, reached it first. Giving Lindir a snooty, triumphant look, he gracefully opened the door. Glorfindel fell into the room. Stumbling about dramatically, the Balrog-slayer fell onto the nearest bed in an affected swoon. "Help me, Lindir! I'm grievously wounded."

"Really?" gasped Lindir. "Do you want me to fetch Lord Elrond?"

Galion surveyed Glorfindel. "Do you mean that cut on your hand?" he asked in disbelief. "That's barely a scratch! I certainly don't believe that it belongs in the 'grievously wounded' category."

Glorfindel groaned, as if in agony. "It hurts," he pronounced.

"What's going on?" asked Erestor, coming into the healing room to investigate Glorfindel's moans. "Oh," he said, spotting his friend's scratch. "You always fuss about everything minor, but when you get badly hurt, you never say anything."

"Lies, all lies," smiled Glorfindel, cheerfully swathing his hand in bandages. "Anyway, it's all taken care of now."

Rolling his eyes, Erestor turned to go, satisfied that Glorfindel was fine. Then, he saw the awake Elvenking. He hurried over to his bedside. "My lord," he began, "I am exceedingly glad to see you hale." He held out his stack of papers, which were lovingly tied together with a bow made of black ribbon. "Would you consider reading this? It's the paper you requested."

Thranduil absently took the paper. He gave it a cursory glance, not even bothering to untie the bow. "It's fine," he said. "You're hired."

"Thank you," said Erestor, elated and hurt at the same time. "I'm honoured."

"As you should be," agreed the Elvenking, looking up to hand the papers back to Erestor. Then, he saw him. Golden. Glorious. Glorfindel!

"You!" Glorfindel turned, startled, towards Thranduil. "You shall play the role of me in the movie!" the Elvenking proclaimed.

"Who, me?" asked the confused Balrog-slayer.

"Yes. You."

A joyous exclamation from Glorfindel and a tortured shriek from Legolas reached Thranduil's ears at the same time, but he only acknowledged the former. "I'm glad you find the prospect agreeable," he continued, getting up from the bed and walking towards the door. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to arrange audition schedules with Elrond." With that, Thranduil exited the room, leaving an exuberant Balrog-slayer, a distraught minstrel, a peeved scholar, a brokenhearted prince and an indifferent butler behind him.


	5. Radio Segment 3

**Radio Segment Three**

Hello, and welcome once again to Arda's favourite radio program! I'd like to thank all of my faithful listeners, who have bought radios for the sole purpose of tuning into this program, which is the only program on air.

Today's news: Erestor of Imladris has been officially declared to be the director of Thranduil: the Movie. In a statement released today by Imladris Imagery, the studio owned by Elrond Half-elven of Imladris, Erestor was quoted to say "I'm elated to be the director of this film. There is so much opportunity for creative license in this film, and I've certainly done my research. I'd say that there is little chance of anything going wrong with the film. To the many Thranduil fans out there: I want you to know that I am putting my heart and soul into making this the film that you have been wanting to see, and that I will not disappoint you."

I'm sure that you're all speculating about this film- who will be playing which character, and so forth. Well, I've got a little bit of interesting news for you. In an interview yesterday with Glorfindel of Imladris, the golden-haired warrior let it slip that he knows a little more about the project than you might expect.

"Sure, I'm not disinterested at all. Erestor is my friend, and I'm planning on standing by him, no matter what crazy ideas he cooks up. I think that I'm going to be too busy to talk to him much about it, though, so don't ask me a whole lot, please." ~Glorfindel

When the warrior was asked what he would be busy with, he excused himself from the interview, saying he had a meeting with an image consultant shortly. At that moment, Imladris' head minstrel, Lindir, entered the room, carrying this week's copy of _Mirkwood Blondes_, an enormously popular magazine written by Legolas of Mirkwood. Our keen-eyed reporter noted that said magazine was open to the article titled "**Lovely Locks: How to get hair as fabulous as the Elvenking's.**" Lindir, when he saw our reporter, darted out of the room, refusing to answer various questions that were shouted after him. Glorfindel, too, exited the room, saying that he needed a look at the article.

Speculation, anyone?

In other related news: a band of private detectives, hailing from Lothlorien, have decided to take on the presently unsolved case of the Elvenking's car accident on the road to Imladris. This fearsome threesome has agreed to grace out studio with their presence today. I'd like you all to welcome here today Haldir, Rumil and Orophin of Lothlorien!

Haldir: Hah hah, thank you! I am extremely excited to be here today!

64K: May I ask why you are so excited?

Haldir: Why, because this kind of media exposure will bring in business! This investigation is our first case- and we weren't even hired! We decided to take it on ourselves.

64K: We all know you, Haldir, but might you be so kind as to introduce us to your business partners?

Haldir: Oh, yes. This is Rumil. He's my younger brother, and he's in charge of getting people to spill their secrets.

64K: Really? How do you do that, Rumil?

Rumil: Haldir... Haldir?

Haldir: Yes, brother?

Rumil: Do I... look alright?

Haldir: You look fine, Rumil. Now please, would you mind answering the kind announcer's question?

Rumil: Did the announcer ask a question? I didn't notice, so it can't have been important.

64K: Erm... What does your other partner do, Haldir?

Haldir: Well, Orophin here-my littlest brother- he's in charge of collecting evidence.

64K: That's very interesting. What steps do you take to make sure that the evidence is secure, Orophin?

Orophin: ... ... ...I like the carpet in here.

Haldir: Don't talk nonsense, brother.

Orophin: It's mauve. Mauve shag. I like it...

Rumil: Please excuse our dull little brother. He's an embarrassment to the family, I know, but he is our brother anyway, no matter how dull he is-

Haldir: Please excuse both of my brothers. One is slightly dull, the other obsessed with being better than everyone else.

Rumil: Oh, please, Haldir. As if you don't always try to be all brave and self-sacrificing- just to get media attention! It's sick, I tell you. Positively sick.

Haldir. And this is what I get for starting a business with family...

Orophin: Haldir... do you think that there's a market for shag carpet?

Haldir: Not these days, brother dearest.

64K: 'Kay. That's all the time we have for today, kids. Thanks for coming.

Lothlorien Family Detectives: Thanks for having us!

Sorry about that ordeal guys... I honestly expected better behaviour coming from Lothlorien. Ah, well. Thanks for tuning in, people! Don't hesitate to let me know what you think. And... we haven't actually learned anything important about their investigation. I guess that it wouldn't be private then, eh?

Oh, by the way. If you like this threesome, there are other places that you can read about them. The wonderful writer OneSizeFitsAll has written stories about this trio before- namely,_** Best Wishes, Lady Galadriel**_, _**Madame Goldberry**_(co-written with Lily Lindsey-Aubrey) and the latest chapter of _**A Reasonable Defense**_. I highly recommend these stories; they're written very well, are very funny, and feature Haldir's little brothers, who are often left in the shadow of their brother's fame. All credit for their wonderful personalities used in this chapter goes to OneSizeFitsAll.


	6. Chapter 3: Angst and Tears

_Thanks so much for the review, follows and favourites, guys! LOTCR, thank you so much again. Personally, I'm not bothered if you nag me to update; it makes me happy that someone cares enough to want more soon. I won't necessarily act on it, though;) If you don't want to break your vows, though, that's fine too.  
_

_I'm thinking of going back and changing the Radio chapters, since I realized that, strictly speaking, script format is against the rules. I'm just letting you know so you don't freak out if you look back some time and it's changed :)_

**Chapter Three: Angst and Tears**

"Are we there yet?"

Ten seconds of silence passed rapidly. Rumil was annoyed that no one had responded to his query. He had put a great deal of effort into sounding especially angsty and tormented. He decided to try again- with just a little more effort.

"Are we thhhheeeerrrreeee yet?"

Haldir turned around, taking his attention away from the road to stare at his younger brother, who sat in the backseat of the car. "Rumil- brother," he began. "You know I love you, so you know that I wouldn't say this if I weren't concerned for your safety. If you say that phrase one more time, I am afraid that, despite myself, I will tear you limb from limb."

Rumil crossed his arms, throwing himself backwards against the seat. "I'm just curious," he pouted. "It's not fair. You never get mad at Orophin when he asks."

"That's because he doesn't ask nearly as often as you do," retorted Haldir, turning his attention back to driving. "Now, stop bugging me! Do you want us to crash like Thranduil did?"

"We won't," said Rumil, entertaining himself by seeing if a sleeping Orophin would respond to being poked. "You're a better driver than Galion is. Besides- who'd want to bomb us?"

"No one," said Haldir. "Now shut up and play your Nintendo."

* * *

"Erestor? Does my hair look alright to you?"

"I really wouldn't be the best judge, Glorfindel," mumbled Erestor, digging through his desk drawer. "Go ask Lindir. You both have to do it the same way, anyway, so you might as well consult each other, and leave me in peace."

"I just can't seem to straighten it out," continued Glorfindel, conveniently ignoring Erestor's command. "Lindir has it easy- he's always had straight hair, but mine's kind of curly, which makes it a bit of a hassle to deal with. I guess his hair will be harder to dye that weird shade of blond, though. It's so dark to begin with! I hate to think of dying mine; I've heard that dye really does a number on your hair."

"I really don't know what you're talking about," said Erestor.

"That's 'cause you have easy hair," said Glorfindel.

"No, I don't."

"You do. You really do. I'm actually very jealous."

"It's not easy," protested Erestor. "Not in the slightest! I have to brush it every morning, and..." Erestor realized the trick that Glorfindel had pulled on him. He glared. "You're trying to get me to talk about hair."

Glorfindel chuckled. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"

Before Erestor could come up with a cutting remark, Elrond burst into the room. "Erestor!"

Erestor sighed, finally accepting the fact that he would not finish his paperwork today. "Yes, Lord Elrond?"

"The auditions! What time were they scheduled for?"

Erestor looked at his clipboard. "Two o'clock this afternoon, milord. Why?"

"Because it's only nine now, and a car has already arrived here," said Elrond, anxiously dancing around the room.

Erestor dropped his clipboard. "Good Valar! I haven't gotten the least bit prepared yet!" He joined Elrond in his anxious dance. "What will I do?"

Elrond stopped dancing. "We could send Lindir over to entertain the applicants," he said hopefully. "He's good at that."

"Great idea," said Erestor. "Glorfindel, go fetch Lindir, and tell him to welcome the applicants."

Glorfindel stuck his head out of the door. "LLLLLLIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNDDDDDDIIIIIRRRRRRRR!" he bellowed down the hall.

A faint sobbing from Lindir's room was the only reply that he received.

Mildly concerned, Glorfindel strode over Lindir's room. "LINDIR," he said with a slightly quieter voice.

"What?"

"Lord Elrond wants you to go and entertain the carload of people that just arrived."

There were a few more choked sobs. Then. Lindir spoke. "I-I-I caaann't."

"Why not?" asked Glorfindel. "Elrond says."

"I know... b-b-but... my hair is..." Lindir broke into hysterical tears.

"Your hair is," gently prompted Glorfindel.

"I-i-it's GREEN."

"GREEN?"

"Yes," agreed Lindir. "I thought that Lord Elrond might have some hair dye in the infirmary. I wanted to get into my part as the young Elvenking, so I found some dye and brought it here. But it was the same kind as the one Lord Elrond dyed Lord Faramir's hair with before*! Soooo..."

"Don't worry," said Glorfindel kindly. "I'll tell Lord Elrond that you're indisposed. Someone else can do it."

"Thank you so much, Glorfindel," said Lindir, sniffing, and perhaps rubbing his tears away(Glorfindel was an expert at listening behind doors, but he couldn't be sure about the latter assumption).

In the distance, Glorfindel could hear Erestor attempting to bellow, and sadly failing in that attempt, for him to come back. "Got to go," he said. Quicker than you could say "l_embas,_" Glorfindel had already sprinted down the hall back towards Erestor's study.

* * *

_"Always me. Old Galion. Whenever there's a job to do, and no one wants to do it, they always say 'Oh, look! It's Galion. He's not doing anything at the moment; let's get him to do it!'- while I actually am doing something and then they just choose to ignore it!"_

"Oh, stop complaining, Galion. You're a butler- it's your job to do the work that no one else wants to do. Keep your chin up, and just do it. No complaining, no attitude, just a good work ethic. I know you can do it. I'm cheering you on!"

_"I think I'm schizophrenic._"

Galion was very tired of talking to himself, so he hurried to the door to carry out his appointed task: entertain the applicants. Then, he would have someone else to talk to- someone less infuriating to argue with, since he would be able to defeat their arguments without feeling morally obligated to go easy on their poor logic.

He opened the door with one hand, so as to keep the tea tray in his other hand from spilling. "Welcome to the Last Homely House," he recited in a monotone, as Glorfindel had taught him to say it.

"Hello!" said the first figure out of the three that stood outside of the door. "I'm Haldir."

"I'm Rumil," said the second.

"I'm Orophin," added the third.

"We're detectives," said Haldir.

"That's what we do for a living," pronounced Rumil.

"That's right!" said Haldir and Orophin together.**

Galion dropped the tea tray. He stared at Haldir.

"I told you that we shouldn't tell everyone that we are detectives," whispered Rumil, savagely jabbing Haldir in the ribs.

Haldir jabbed back, than cleared his throat. "Don't worry," he said peaceably to Galion, who was staring wide-eyed at the group. "We come in peace- who are you, again? You don't really look like a Rivendell elf... are you Galion, by any chance?"

Galion just stared.

Haldir cleared his throat again. "Erm, alright then. If you see Galion, could you tell him that we're here to interview him? And interview the king too, if we get the chance-"

Galion turned and ran away, abandoning the fallen tea tray.

"What..." Haldir turned, dumbfounded, towards his brothers. "What just happened?"

"Perhaps," began Rumil, running a hand through his golden locks, "he is not used to the astounding radiance of certain Lothlorien elves."

Haldir rolled his eyes. "I seriously doubt it, Rumil. Why can't you ever be humble like your little brother?"

Rumil glanced angstily over at Orophin, who was staring up at the high arches of the walls of Rivendell. "It's beautiful," breathed Orophin. "Just think of the tourists who might pay to come here."

Haldir frowned. "Brother," he said gently. "You would do well to keep your mind on your work. We are detectives, and we are burdened with high functioning sociopathic brains. We must do our best to use them wisely, and not get distracted when we are on a case."

Haldir's wise words were entirely lost on Orophin, who was busy dreaming of fame in the tourism industry, and on Rumil, who was dreaming of ways to show Haldir that he was the better of the two younger brothers. The fact that his lecture was lost on them was lost on Haldir, as he strode through the doors of Imladris. "We'd best go to Elrond," he said. "I'm sure that he'll set up an interview for us soon enough."

Meanwhile, Thranduil sat by a waterfall, watching rainbows dance on the many cascades. Doing this calmed his frayed nerves. Between Galion's nagging and Legolas' whining, not to mention Glorfindel and Lindir's anxious wishes of his approval and Erestor's many questions, he had enough to think about. Until Galion came running up the path yelling something unintelligible.

Thranduil got up from the special mini-throne that he had folded up and put in the trunk of the car for his trip(fortunately it had not gotten damaged from the car accident). He turned around fabulously, his cape sweeping out behind him. "What, Galion," he said, not altogether pleasantly.

Galion came before him, eyes glistening, a smile on his face. "Your highness," he said, in a voice filled with emotion. "I have found the elf to play your father."

"Really?" asked Thranduil, slightly amused.

Galion nodded. "Come! Come see him- I know you will agree with me," he added.

"Very well," said Thranduil. "Let us see this elf who looks so much like my father." Galion sprinted off towards the buildings of Imladris, Thranduil following fabulously behind him.

* * *

_I've got some notes today!_

_*Reference to The Coffee Plot by Erestor the writer._

_**Reference to my favourite kids cartoon, Babar, from an episode called Friendly Agreement._

_This may be my last update of any of my stories for awhile, since I have a piano exam coming up, and I need extra practice. Please review, and thank you in advance!_


	7. Radio Segment 4

_Thank you all so much, everyone, for your reviews and follows! LOTCR- you have an account! Yess- now I can actually thank you for your reviews. Yes, that was a Sherlock reference! I love Sherlock but I just started watching it, so I had to put a quote into something to get rid of some of my internal SHerlock build-up._

_If any of you have an idea how to turn the radio segments into something other than script form, please share! I feel really bad about breaking the rules, but I honestly can't think of any other way to do it._

_Anyway, I hope you like it! Please review!_

**Radio Segment Four**

Hello! And welcome once again to my fabulous radio show! I'm your host, 64K, and I'm here to bring you a very special announcement.

Well, we were lucky(or is it unlucky?) enough to get Feren in here today again to bring us some big news from Rivendell. Apparently all of the more important elves were too busy to come here for an interview, and Feren volunteered his information to us.

Feren: You know, you're really starting to insult me.

64K: Sorry, kiddo, but you're not really the elf that people look for when they're talking about elves in general. You're just a fairly normal wood elf, who-

Feren: Stoppit.

64K: Sorry, kid; you're just too much fun to tease. Anyway, I'm sure that everyone is very anxious to hear the news- who is the lucky elf to receive the part of Oropher in Thranduil: the Movie?

Feren: Right now, I feel like keeping the news to myself- but fine, since I'm nice. Anyway, here it comes. Dundundun! It's HALDIR.

64K: Really? Haldir? I didn't imagine that he was majestic enough. And wasn't that guy just on this show the other day... Ah yes. He was one of the Lothlorien Family Detectives, who was going to investigate that car accident that the Mirkwood royals were involved in.

Feren: I know, right? It's quite the story. Apparently, the detectives came to the door, ready to interview Galion. When Galion saw them, though, he was struck with wonderment, and ran off to tattle on their Sindar Splendour to Thranduil. Here. Since I'm nice, I brought a written statement from Haldir. I'll read it to to you now. Ahem.

_I am incredibly excited to be playing the role of Oropher in this upcoming movie. It seems as though the Valar were smiling down on me when I accepted the case of The Mysterious Car Accident. Merely doing what I thought my duty, I found myself in a most fortunate and prestigious position as a main character in Thranduil: the Movie. Words cannot describe how proud I am. I'm in tears-_

Feren: The words are smudged here- I can't read them. Let's skip ahead, shall we? Alrighty, here we are.

_... and of course I feel terrible for Rumil and Orophin, my dear younger brothers- but they should have brushed their teeth more often, like how I told them to, and eaten less sweets. If they had done this, as well as bathing more often, then they would probably have been considered candidates for positions in this movie. As it was, I was the only logical choice. It makes good sense that someone from our family was chosen, of course, for Lord Celeborn is a cousin of the Elvenking of Mirkwood, and we, of course, are Lord Celeborn's most loyal, most faithful servants. With my track record as a humble servant, it was only natural that I was chosen to fill this most prestigious..._

Feren: Blah, blah blah. He just keeps rambling on about the same sorts of things. It's not important- you get the gist of the matter, anyway.

64K: Alright. Do you have any more news from Imladris?

Feren: Hee hee. I don't think I'm supposed to tell you this, but apparently, my dear cousin Lindir is having a bit of a dilemma with his hair. A bit of a mishap with the hair dye for his role as the child Thranduil, as it were.

64K: Oh, my! Do you suppose it'll be cleared up in time for the first days of filming?  
Feren: I hope for my cousin's sake that it is, but one can't really be sure with hair dye. The stuff can take ages to get out, sometimes. We're in the process of getting an understudy to serve as the backup for both he and Glorfindel.

64K: Well, I hope things work out for him. How's Prince Legolas doing, by the way?

Feren: Oh, top notch! Although a little depressed. He's disappointed that he didn't get the role of his dad in the movie. There's very little wrong with him physically, though. A 'Greensticked Tibia' is no problem for the 'Greenleaf'! Haha!

64K: Haha?

Feren: Haha? Get it? It was funny... Ah well. Thanks for having me here, once again, but I've got to dash. More behind the scenes sleuthing to do, you see.

64K: Well, alright. Thanks for coming again, bud.

Thanks for tuning in, everyone! I hope you're looking forward to this movie- I know I sure am!


	8. Chapter 4: Lines and Lembas

_Thanks, everyone for your follows, favourites and reviews! You guys are majestically fabulous. I hope that you like this- sorry for taking so long, too. Summer is the time for work for me, not for play(or writing). I'll try my best to get the next one out faster. Be sure to let me know what you think! Enjoy!  
_

**Chapter Four: Lines and Lembas**

"Like this?"

Thranduil frowned. "No, no. Shoulders back, Glorfindel. Lindir, what are you staring at the ground for?"

Blushing miserably, Lindir snapped his chin up, staring out into space in a vain attempt to hide his embarrassment. Glorfindel squeezed his shoulders back, and winced as his backbone cracked audibly. Haldir smirked- Thranduil hadn't had any corrections for _his_ posture.

Thranduil stared at the threesome before him. Finally, it seemed that his study was complete. "That's enough for now. You are all dismissed to go practice your lines."

"Lines?" echoed Lindir, timidly running a hand through his forest-green hair. "I... I didn't think they were ready yet."

Thranduil scoffed, tossing his hair fabulously. "You might not have thought so, but you, my young apprentice, were sadly mistaken. Behold!" Thranduil gestured dramatically, welcoming the approaching Erestor. "Thus came the line-bearer."

Erestor looked as frazzled as was possible for him to look- his black robe had three wrinkles, and five hairs had escaped from where he had tied his dark hair back. "They aren't quite done yet," he hastened to explain. "These are only rough copies."

Thranduil fixed the unfortunate adviser with an icy glare. "But I'm sure that they will be finished very soon."

"Y-yes," said Erestor, eyes widening. "Of course. I'm doing my very best..."

"But maybe your best needs a bit of a boost," said Thranduil passive-aggressively.

Glorfindel hated to see Erestor in such a jam, so he decided to put his characteristic charm to use. He strode up to the Elvenking, put an arm around his shoulder, and flashed him a blindingly brilliant grin. "Don't worry, your majesty. Erestor has this situation well under control- in fact, I've been peeking at his rough drafts when he hasn't been looking, and I know for a fact that they are extremely well-written- almost beyond my ability to understand, in fact!"

Thranduil's shock at Glorfindel's speech quickly turned to annoyed confusion. "You can't understand them?"

Glorfindel blinked. "Well, I didn't mean that they're hard to read, per se, I just meant that..."

"That you're a dunce?"

This time it was Erestor's turn to jump to Glorfindel's defence. "No no, of course not. They really do need some improvement, which, I assure you, will be completed in short order."

Thranduil sniffed. "See that they are." With that, the Elvenking of Mirkwood strode away, cape trailing behind him. The four elves stood, watching him slowly exit the gardens of Imladris.

Glorfindel was the first to react after Thranduil seemed out of earshot. He glared at Haldir and said, "Why are you smirking?"

Haldir blinked. "Where'd that come from?"

"From your smirk," frowned Glorfindel.

Haldir's smirk returned. "Well, he didn't have anything to say about my posture- or my intelligence," he shot back.

"HA! It's just because Oropher isn't going to be in the movie much, so he doesn't really care what you do," said Glorfindel. "Before you ask 'How do you know?', it's because I peeked at Erestor's script."

Erestor tried to glower, but failed. "I don't like people peeking at my documents," he said.

Glorfindel shrugged. "It got you out of a scrape, didn't it?"

"Thanks to my quick actions!" Erestor said, not altogether nicely. "You shouldn't portray yourself as a dunce! It's not good for my reputation!"

Haldir snickered. "I never argue with my brothers," he said to no one in particular. "They always obey whatever I say. It's wonderful. The joys of growing up in Lothlorien, where they teach the values of manners and discipline."

Erestor smiled sweetly at Haldir. "I'll have you know that I practically raised the twins. Look how wonderfully they've turned out!"

"I hope you're being sarcastic," said Haldir.

Lindir didn't like arguments. They played havoc with his musical ear. Quickly and quietly, he slipped away, hoping for a place with peace and quiet, where he could practice playing his Lyre- and bumped into Rumil. Rumil, of course, ignored Lindir, and stormed over to Haldir, nose in the air. "You're supposed to be on the case," he said accusingly, "and you're leaving all the work to us."

"Well," said Haldir, casually polishing his sword(which he had been wearing to get more into the part of Oropher), "this is kind of more important. I'm about to be starring in a blockbuster film, which all the world will be going to see. My appearance in this film will be giving a good name to all the Lothlorien elves, while if I'm being a detective, it won't give them a good name. Understand?"

Rumil looked mildly shocked. "I'm mildly shocked," he said. "I was under the impression that you wanted to be a detective- that you wanted to get closer to your brothers, who you so often ignore."

Orophin appeared, walking dazedly through the group of elves already assembled. He didn't add anything to the conversation.

Rumil continued. But Haldir didn't listen. He was lost in delusions of grandeur. Everyone else, disquieted by Haldir's sudden silence, began to argue again to fill in the empty air space. Orophin wandered through the crowd. Nobody noticed his disappearance.

* * *

"It's alright, Legolas. You can talk to me." Galion handed Legolas a cup of tea and four pieces of lembas. "You might be here a while," he said to Legolas' quizzical glance at the lembas.

Thus supplied with enough food to last several days, Legolas buried his head in his hands. "Ada hates me," he mumbled.

"No he doesn't," said Galion. "But go on."

"Yes he does," said Legolas. "He picked Glorious Glorfindel to be him in the movie instead of me! And Limpid Lindir too! And _Horrendous Haldir_ to be my grandfather! What's next!" he howled. "Orophin as you?"

Galion flushed, ever-so-slightly. "Oh, I'm not going to be in the movie," he said quietly. "I'm not important enough."

Legolas looked up, startled. "Did he say that?"

Galion stared down into the depths of his cup of tea. "Not directly, but... he implied that I wouldn't be."

"But you were _super_ important!" exclaimed Legolas. "As in, extremely so!"

"Not really," said Galion, voice wavering. "I didn't do much."

"Yes, you did," said Legolas determinedly, "And anyone who thinks otherwise, including Ada, is missing their brain, and I'm not afraid to tell them so."

Galion hated the idea of Thranduil having a missing brain. He tried to say so, but a sob came out instead. With excellent aim, Legolas tossed him a handkerchief embroidered with green leaves. "Use this if you need to."

"I was supposed to be making you feel better," said Galion into the handkerchief.

"Well, it's a prince's duty to comfort his friends," said Legolas righteously.

Then the door flew open, and Thranduil strode in, his cape swirling dramatically behind him. "This was all an elaborate ruse!" he proclaimed.

Legolas leaped up. "What!" He glared at the still-crying Galion. "Are you in on whatever this is?"

"Don't blame him," said Thranduil, interrupting Galion's vehement protestation. "I wanted to see what you would do when you heard that Galion wouldn't get a spot in the movie. You have made me as proud as you are capable of making me."

"So," began Legolas, "Galion is going to be in the movie?"

"Of course," said Thranduil.

Galion fell off the chair in a faint.

"And who's going to be him?" asked Legolas, hoping that it would be he who got the part.

"Why, him of course," said Thranduil, pointing a regal finger. Legolas turned to see the subject of Thranduil's gesture.

"Orophin?" he asked in disbelief. "I'm really starting to doubt your judgement, Ada."

Indeed, it was Orophin, who had wandered into the room. He stood, admiring the walls. "That wallpaper," he gasped. "It's perfect."

"Indeed," said Thranduil, smiling fondly at Orophin. "Galion was just like him at that age."

Legolas stared bug-eyed. "Really?"

"Really. Anyway, you can't be him. You're too- I don't know... You're not zoo-ey enough. You have too much presence."

"Really?" gasped Legolas. "You think I have presence?"

"Of course. You're my son, aren't you? That's why you are to be the understudy to Glorfindel and Lindir. Rumil will be the stunt double- I can't leave one brother out. And you can also be my consultant."

"What does that mean?" asked Legolas.

"It means," said Thranduil, smiling sinisterly, "that if anybody starts taking 'artistic license' with my movie that I don't like, we can gang up on them together."

Legolas grinned. "I like the sound of that."

_Please review, peoples! _

_Oh, I forgot to say- please vote on my poll! I want to see what you guys want me to write next. Oh, and congratulate Feren- he got a place in the Hobbit archives as a character selection!_


	9. Radio Segment 5

**Radio Segment 5**

Hello again, and welcome to the latest edition of ABC radio. I am extremely pleased to see that I have such a loyal audience. You are all fabulous, and I want you to know that. On to the show!

Well, today we have someone that I'm sure that you will all be very excited to see. Legolas of the Greenwood is here today with some very important news. Let's give him a warm welcome, shall we?

Legolas: Thank you, my good... person. I'm glad to be here once again.

64K: How are you feeling?

Legolas: Me? Oh, just dandy. That car accident is in the past. I've forgotten about it completely!

64K: Evidently not. But, anyway. What is this most important news that you have to tell us?

Legolas: Oh. Well, the cast is just about set! We've got Glorfindel and Lindir as my father, Haldir as my grandfather, Orophin, of all people, as Galion, and Rumil as the stunt double.

64K: But that's a pretty small cast, isn't it? Don't you need some more people to make the movie a bit more fleshed out?

Legolas: What a coincidence that you would ask that! That's actually what my father and Erestor are arguing about at the moment. My father would like there to be more people in the movie; namely, a sidekick and a love interest, among other characters. Erestor, though, as you may know, is an experimental film artist, and likes minimalism in film. He thinks that Galion can function as the sidekick, and that no love interest is needed. It's a pretty strong argument, actually. I never knew that Erestor could yell that loudly...

64K: Well, I know that radio stations are supposed to be unbiased, but... well, I want all you people out there on the air to know that I'm completely on the Elvenking's side.

Legolas: I'm still trying to decide what side I'm on.

64K: Wait, what? You're not on your own daddy's side?

Legolas. Erm, well... I probably am, I'm just not sure... why are you looking at me like that?

64K: I'm not looking at you like anything, my dear boy. Anyway, great to have you here. You'd best be on your way, don't you think?

Legolas: Well, I suppose so... Bye, then.

64K: Bye! Now, on to our next guest. May I present to you, Rumil of the Lothlorien Family Detectives! Let's all give him a hand, shall we?

Rumil: Ahem. Thank you. Let's get on with it, shall we?

64K: Buster, this is my radio show. I suggest that you behave yourself.

Rumil: I don't see that anything I just said was out of line. In any case, you invited me here, so you have to put up with me.

64K: Okay... How's your investigation going?

Rumil: Well, not too well. We haven't heard all that much. While Haldir and Orophin were off gallivanting, I was examining the site of the accident. It seems like it really was a bomb- I found pieces of shrapnel and such lying about, but it was thrown in such a way that it didn't completely destroy the car. Of course, we already know that it didn't, but I find it extremely interesting that it seems to have been purposefully thrown that way. Thus far, I haven't found anything to indicate the culprit, but I haven't finished investigating yet, and it's tricky when I was expecting two other people to help me out with it.

64K: How very interesting. Do you have anything else to share with us?

Rumil: Not really. I'll give you a call if I find anything. Do you mind giving me your number?

64K: Oh... sure. Area code 835, followed by 836-5464

Rumil: Thank you.

64K: Awesome. You can leave now, if you like.

Rumil: I would like. Goodbye.

Well, there goes another happy interviewee. Ah, well. I hope you enjoyed this latest segment. Be sure to let me know what you think. Oh, and DON'T call my phone number! Seriously, I hate it when people use up my minutes. Bye bye!

* * *

_You probably shouldn't call that number for real. I've no idea what would happen if you did. O_O But it does have some significance! For you puzzlers out there, you can go ahead and give me your theories ;-)_


	10. Chapter 10: Meddling With the Script

_Hi, everyone! Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I commend NirCele and CapNicholls for trying to find out what the phone number means! Even if you don't, though, the secret will eventually be revealed, one way or another. Don't tell anyone but me(by PM) if you figure it out, though!  
_

_Enjoy this chapter, and please review!_

**Chapter Five: Don't Meddle With Erestor's Script!**

"The nerve!"

Galion looked up from the stove. "Want to talk about it?" he asked, removing the kettle from the hot element.

Erestor glared. "The nerve!" he repeated.

"Of who? Glorfindel?"

Erestor gave a wry chuckle. "I wish it were he. Then at least I'd know how to deal with it. No. It's your king that's giving me problems."

"Creative differences?" asked Galion, pouring Erestor a cup of tea.

Erestor sighed, accepting the cup from Galion. "Thank you. And yes, I suppose that you could say so. I really don't think that there's the need for a love interest in this movie. And really. We don't have anyone to play the part. Did he even have a love interest when he was younger?"

"Briefly," said Galion. "We had an argument about it, which he, of course, won. Legolas' mum, you know. I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but he wouldn't listen to me, of course. It's all part of my line of work, you understand. We advisers and valets never get the girls. Too busy, I suppose."

"Yes," sighed Erestor, in a way that seemed almost, but not quite, wistful. "I understand. But anyway, I don't think that it's necessary in a two-hour movie to add in a love interest. There are all the father-son 'feels', as the younger generation refers to them, to work on; we don't have time for romance."

"Father-son feels?" asked Galion confusedly. "They didn't really have any. His Current Majesty got along well enough with His Late Majesty, but they weren't extremely close. "

Erestor stared at his clipboard thoughtfully. "Hmmm. Well, do you think that it would be over-the-top to take some artistic license there?"

"I'm really not sure," said Galion. "Thranduil's life was exciting enough without adding anything in, I think, especially if you expand it to be more of a life's story."

"But we really don't have time for that," moaned Erestor. "The budget isn't large enough. We have to rely on these feels to excite the audience. If we can't use father-son ones, we'll have to go to friendship ones. Tell all, Galion."

Galion's face grew pink. "Oh, I wouldn't presume to suppose that we were friends... I mean, I'm just the butler..."

Erestor banged his head into the desk. "You need to work with me, here. Do you want Orophin to have a successful career in film or not?"

"Well," muttered Galion. "I mean, we got along some of the time. You can make it up, I suppose; I don't want to talk about my childhood. It was rough."

"Yes, well..." Erestor trailed off. "Mine, too."

There was silence for a little while. Finally, Galion spoke. "Isn't Legolas supposed to be the consultant for the movie? Why are you asking me?"

Erestor snorted. "I would think that you would be aware of the fact that every word that comes out of Legolas' mouth is being put there by Thranduil. I'm not going to have this movie polluted by his influence."

Galion struck the table with his fist, his face dark. "My master is not a pollutant."

"We're not getting anywhere here!" wailed Erestor, straightening up his tea cup, which had almost been knocked over by Galion's fist-pounding. Then, a most unwelcome interruption occurred.

Glorfindel walked into the room.

"Hello!" he beamed. "Do you want to see what I've been practising?"

When no reply was forthcoming, he continued. "I've been practising my Thranduil strut. It's really fun. Watch."

The Balrog-slayer proceeded to strut across the room in a very regal manner. "I'm better at it than poor Lindir," he said. "Of course, it's less important for him to be good at it, since he's the young Thranduil, and I'm the older one."

"Yes, Glorfindel," said Erestor. "Very nice. Now, would you leave us, please? We're in the middle of a very important discussion."

"Well, I would, but I need to ask you something."

"Then, by all means, ask me, Glorfindel," said Erestor testily.

Glorfindel nodded. "Alright. I'll ask. Have any of you seen Rumil? We're supposed to be practising the chase scene, and we need him to do stunts for us."

Glorfindel and Galion were both quite startled when Erestor rose suddenly from his chair, fire in his eyes. "I did not write a chase scene," he said, voice level, but shaking.

Glorfindel looked slightly nervous. "I don't know... Thranduil just came over and said that it was time to film it. It's when Ancalagon is chasing Galion and I through Mordor, and we're jumping over pits of lava, and dodging falling meteorites."

Without another word, Erestor swept out of the room. Glorfindel watched his friend's retreating figure. "What's wrong with him?" he asked no one in particular.

Galion answered. "He's angry with my lord for meddling with the script." The butler sighed, letting his head fall into his hands. "I don't know whose side I'm on."

* * *

Meanwhile, on the road to Imladris, Rumil was conducting an investigation. He was very peeved at his two brothers for bailing on their mission, but he was determined to carry it out nonetheless, with or without their help. He had already determined that it was a bomb that had caused the Elvenking's accident, but now, Rumil was forced to find out who the culprit was. He grinned. This was the fun part.

Rumil crept up slowly towards the site of the accident, searching for clues as carefully as possible. He didn't want to disturb any evidence present, and he certainly didn't want to set off any dormant bombs that could possibly be around the site. Ever-so-slowly, he peered through the smashed window of the car, hoping to see a mark of the perpetrator.

There was blue glitter on the dashboard.

Rumil's mind raced. Glitter! It was now obvious who the perpetrator was. Only one person in all of Middle Earth used glitter in such a gratuitous manner.

Rumil, burdened with this knowledge, set off for Imladris, completely prepared to arrest the culprit.


	11. Radio Segment 6

_Thank you very much to my guest reviewers WoodElfJedi and Neniel for reviewing! Even if I can't reply to you, I really appreciate you taking the time to review!  
_

_For an explanation to this new and awkward format to the radio interview, please see Radio Segment one. Thank you all for reviewing, and please continue to do so! :-)_

**Radio Segment Six**

Hello everyone! Once again, I'm 64K, and welcome to my show! I've got some very important news for you here today. Glorfindel of Imladris has been- can I say it? Oh, the horrors!- arrested! He's being charged with attempted murder, attempted assassination, and destruction of public property. Thankfully, we've got him in here today to talk to about the entire incident. Welcome, Glorfindel. Don't worry, you can say what you like on this show, and you won't get in trouble. The authorities can't get in here... heh heh heh...

Glorfindel, a nervous smile upon his face, answers. "Thanks, 64. I'm in shock. I just never thought that anyone would suspect me of such a heinous act. It's just terrible! Why would anyone suspect me? And in the middle of production, too..."

64K goes on, not bothering to comfort Glorfindel. "Rumil, the member of the Lothlorien Family Detectives who arrested you, says that he found glitter at the crime scene. Is this true? Did you leave glitter there?"

Glorfindel looks horrified. "Of course not! Sure, I went to the scene to help right after the accident, but I didn't leave any glitter there! And it was blue glitter. Everyone knows that I only use pink glitter."

64K continues. "Glorfindel, do you think that this will slow down production with Thranduil: the Movie?"

Glorfindel shakes his head. "I don't think so. Erestor hasn't even finished writing the script yet, and, even if he does while this business is going on, they can still film the scenes with Lindir. There's no way to prove me guilty, so I'm sure that this whole situation will blow over soon enough."

64K barely conceals a snort. "You seem sure of yourself."

Glorfindel nods. "Oh, I am."

64K waves a hand. "Alright then. Thanks for joining us! Now, we have another special guest. Let's give a big hand to Erestor of Imladris!"

Glorfindel's face lights up. "Erestor! I didn't know you were coming!"

Erestor frowns. "Don't be so joyful, Glorfindel. Thank you, 64K, for inviting me to speak here today."

64K smiles indulgently. "You're very welcome, my friend. What have you got to share with us today regarding the progress of the movie?"

Erestor's face remains neutral. "Nothing."

64K blinks. "Eh, what? You can't be serious."

Erestor smirks. "Oh, but I am. I have decided that I am not going to write any more of the script until Thranduil leaves the development team. He has meddled with the script one time too many. I will put up no longer with these unspeakable travesties."

64K's eyes grow wide. "But that hardly seems fair to Thranduil. After all, it is his movie."

Erestor's smirk remains. "Not if he wants me to write it. That's why I'm here, you see. I've made a petition that I want everyone to sign. It's the "Keep Thranduil out of Thranduil: the Movie" petition. If we keep him from meddling, it will stick much closer to history, keep out the cheap effects and fluffy entertainment, and will overall be a much better movie."

64K shakes their head. "I'm afraid that I really don't agree with that. That petition sounds horrible. I think that Thranduil should be allowed to do whatever he likes with his own movie."

Erestor frowns. "For an open-minded radio announcer, you are quite biased, aren't you? If he signed it over to me, as he did, then he shouldn't be allowed to meddle."

Glorfindel's eyes light up as he comes up with an incredibly snappy comeback. "But you have to admire his mettle for daring to meddle. He must have a mind of metal to do such a thing."

Erestor facepalms, disgusted by Glorfindel's miserable failure of a joke. "Your cheap puns aren't funny, Glorfindel. I certainly hope that you don't attempt to ad lib anything like that when you're acting, but I suppose that it would fit the role. Let's get going."

Glorfindel waves. "Alright. Bye!"

Goodbye! Well, my lovely audience, I'm afraid that I have to disagree vehemently with Erestor. I warn you, don't sign that petition! It's stupid and foolish, and will take away so much from the movie. Until next time, this is 64K, signing out.


End file.
